Series 1: Chichikovs from NAPU

In 1842, the brilliant Ukrainian writer Nikolai Gogol published an “epic poem in prose” (as he himself called his work) “Dead Souls.” The plot is based on how a retired soldier, Pavel Ivanovich Chichikov, aged 35-40, taking advantage of loopholes in the law, buys up the landlords’ deceased serfs for pennies, then pawns them to the state as living people and makes money on it.
From the moment Dead Souls was published, literary critics emphasized that “Nikolai Gogol’s talent allowed him to quite clearly convey the image of petty, vulgar, and cynical evil that walks among people ‘in a tailcoat.
You may ask, how does Dead Souls relate to the polygraph? Let us explain. We will even show you screenshots. There are surprisingly many similarities between our characters and Nikolai Gogol’s character: age (35-40 years old), retired officers (you can read about their past in the police and the Security Service of Ukraine in each of their polygraph test reports) and, finally, their life credo, which is familiar to all of us, is acceptable to the legal community, whose main task is to save clients, but completely unacceptable to the polygraph community: what is not prohibited by law is permitted!
A collective analysis of the “National Register of Polygraph Examiners of Ukraine” conducted by members of the All-Ukrainian Association of Polygraph Examiners, posted on the NAPU website, leads to the conclusion that the leaders of the NAPU have surpassed Pavel Ivanovich Chichikov, because they:

– give them “twin sisters.” And they “relocate” them to other cities at the same time. It’s almost like the story of the lost sisters Zita and Gita from Indian cinema.

For example, Olga, a member of the UAPE, “got” a sister named Antonina in the NAPU register.

– just as Chichikov “revives the dead.”

In 2023, Sergei Guk studied at the UAPE polygraph examiner courses. In 2024, he sadly passed away. However, our Sergei “came back to life” on the NAPU website. Moreover, you can even contact him by calling their office…

– After the letter “Я” (last letter in ukrainian alphabet), they include people who will never look for themselves there, because their surnames do not begin with ‘Я’. And some of those “after Я” are completely fictional characters…

However, there are many phantoms in the NAPU register even before “Я”…

If the NAPU has decided to use you to demonstrate its own numbers, then rest assured, it will do so. No matter what you do, even if you are the owner of the well-known and large dental clinic “IDEALE” Alexei Mukhin, if the NAPU has decided so, then you will be a polygraph examiner. And with the same phone number as Sergey Guk (sorry, but we are writing this primarily with the aim of stopping this blasphemy).

The NAPU website states, “…if you do not want information about you to be in this registry, you must write to the mail…”

However, as Kozma Prutkov said, “Don’t believe what is written!” And it’s not even about the fact that someone who has died or someone who never existed, “both dead and unborn” according to Taras Shevchenko, cannot write…

You can write, but your indignation will not disturb the cold calculations and marketing schemes of the resourceful “polygraph businessmen.” For example, you may receive a cynical response such as this:

What a shameful oversight on the part of the complainant! The NAPU website has Konstantin Kozoriz in its registry. Without Ihorovych… How dare you disturb people who are busy with important matters?!

Ihorovych is on the UAPE website…

So move over, Pavlo Ivanovich Chichikov, and nervously smoke on the sidelines. You now have real competitors from the NAPU, and there is every reason to believe that you will not be able to catch up with them or overshadow their glory. You are swimming in shallow waters…

Well, what can I say, #NAPUdyly

P.S. In the near future, we plan to publish series 2, about how the National Guard of Ukraine is “looking for polygraph examiners” on the condition that they are members of NAPU…

And what did you think, that the “National Register of Polygraph Examiners of Ukraine” was already rock bottom? No, listen, something is rumbling loudly from below…

Among the main requirements… “high moral and ethical standards”… A strange location for a search, there is every chance of repeating the result of Diogenes, who walked around during the day with a candle looking for people…